|
|
Post by llVoXll on Jun 27, 2007 20:38:41 GMT -6
TIME FOR JOKES 
I start.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confonted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer", "The second followed his lead and said "My names is William, W H Smith". The third said "My name is Ken.....TuckyFriedChicken"
Q) Why were the little strawberries upset? A) Because their parents were in a jam!
If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS?
(Let those dorks figure this out xD)
Cheers,
vox
|
|
|
|
Post by SoHuda on Jun 28, 2007 6:54:50 GMT -6
Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in he room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leathercoat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house we wanted
last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
|
|
|
|
Post by SoHuda on Jun 28, 2007 7:04:11 GMT -6
Before marriage and after....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don“t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I“m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top!!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by darkme on Jun 28, 2007 7:08:44 GMT -6
ROTFL..... these r pretty funny stuff! way 2 go!!! I'll just read these jokes!  |
|
|
|
Post by alyssamilanofan on Jun 28, 2007 10:18:34 GMT -6
hahaha very funny  especially the last one! ;D |
|
|
|
Post by SoHuda on Jun 29, 2007 6:14:37 GMT -6
TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK
1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
|
|
|
|
Post by alyssamilanofan on Jun 29, 2007 9:30:40 GMT -6
lol!
I'll think of some jokes lol but for now I enjoy reading yours ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by alyssamilanofan on Jun 29, 2007 9:43:14 GMT -6
1. They keep their teddy bears
2. They know the stooges aren't funny
3. They know that leaning and squinting the eyes won't change the direction of a bowling ball
4. No woman has ever said "I meant to do that"
5. No one has ever been heard saying 'I wish I had listen to my dad"
6. Women can fold road maps
7. Women use Ice cream for medicinal purposes men use Beer
8. They know things going BOOM are not well written plot elements
9. Most would like to slap Paris Hilton senseless while men just want to look at her
10. They know how to get where they are going before starting down the road in the car
found one, it's not mine but I think it was funny especially #9 if you know me you'll know why ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by llVoXll on Jun 30, 2007 22:55:11 GMT -6
Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations 10.10.95:
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW.
Canadians: This is a little lighthouse. Your call.
|
|
|
|
Post by Zach on Jul 4, 2007 15:38:36 GMT -6
Hahaha! I almost fell out of my chair laughing at this one Hope winmsn reads it:: Hahahaha! |
|
|
|
Post by llVoXll on Aug 19, 2007 21:01:45 GMT -6
The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. - Ralph W. Sockman Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. - Gore Vidal Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "****"! A bad Skydiver goes: "****"! ... WHACK.  OMG!!!    CUUUUUUTEEEEE >w<  The best of the best xDDD Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy". Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy." |
|
|
|
Post by alyssamilanofan on Aug 19, 2007 21:35:45 GMT -6
lol very funny hahah especially the last one ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by llVoXll on Aug 26, 2007 17:10:31 GMT -6
Useless inventions
1. Non stick Cellotape
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters
|
|
|
|
Post by waed89 on Aug 28, 2007 7:56:40 GMT -6
Lol these are so hilarious ;D
I loved # 4 , # 12 , but # 17 & 18 were cruel !!
|
|
|
|
Post by harisstavr on Sept 23, 2007 9:38:53 GMT -6
Perfect Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in he room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leathercoat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$70,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?" LOL!!! nice! |
|
|
|
Post by mujahida on Sept 13, 2008 8:18:41 GMT -6
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "
mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I
be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
TAKEN
|
|
|
|
Post by Ranjith arun on Sept 14, 2008 10:27:02 GMT -6
FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by darkme on Sept 17, 2008 10:30:17 GMT -6
ROTFL! thats just hilarious... have a karma!  |
|
especially the last one! ;D
